“I’m the boss of me!”

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 Have you ever heard your child say these words?  I bet you have…and probably with an attitude mixed in!

These words can trigger a power struggle in many families as parents’ automatic first thought is often, “Oh no you’re not!” 

But what if your answer was….

“You’re right!  You are the boss of you.”

BAM

No power struggle …

…and a huge teachable moment!

All people like to feel powerful and in control – even kids. 

Children often feel like victims in their lives because they see grownups as having all of the power – their parents tell them what to do; their teachers tell them what to do; their coaches tell them what to do.

Teaching your kids how to be the boss of themselves enables them to step into their power, enhance their self-esteem, and build self-confidence. 

Here are just a couple of tips to share with your kids about being their own boss.  

1.    First, being the boss doesn’t mean being bossy.  

Being the boss means they get to choose how they treat others — do they want to treat others with kindness and respect or do they want to be rude and disrespectful?  Their choice will directly impact the relationship they have with other people.   

Here’s a tip…. If your kids want something, teach them to ask a question or make a request instead of making a demand or using backtalk.  Learning to effectively use questions enables kids to feel empowered in their lives.

2.    Second, being the boss doesn’t mean they get to break the rules.  

Being the boss means they get to choose their actions.  

Teach your kids that rules are part of life – there are societal rules, school rules, and family rules to follow.  If they don’t agree with the rule, they have three possible responses:

a.    First, they can “be the boss” and decide to follow the rule on their own.  This decision enables them to stand in their power because they proactively make the decision to comply versus being forced/told/punished into complying.  

b.    Second, they can “be the boss” and break the rule.  This decision enables them to be in charge; however, being the boss also means they must be willing to take responsibility for the consequence of breaking the rule. 

c.     Third, they can “be the boss” and ask for something different.  Sometimes rules can be bent or changed…teaching children to ask for something different teaches them to stand in their power instead of rebelling against a rule or feeling like they have to comply against their will. 

As “the boss”, they get to choose which action they take.

So next time you hear your son or daughter say, “I’m the boss of me”…surprise them by 

If you’re ready to help your child bust out of his shyness, click here for a complementary consultation and we’ll map out a plan to help him create confidence and courage.

Jahseen Foster  is a certified WISDOM Coach and expert in helping kids discover whoI am a certified WISDOM Coach and who can  help your child develop powerful mindset skills using:

  • Coaching stories
  • Engaging questions
  • Activities/Art projects

If you’re ready to help your child bust out of his shyness, click here for a complementary consultation and we’ll map out a plan to help him create confidence and courage.

Jahseen Foster  is a certified WISDOM Coach and expert in helping kids discover whoI am a certified WISDOM Coach and who can  help your child develop powerful mindset skills using:

  • Coaching stories
  • Engaging questions
  • Activities/Art projects
    visit us at: www.tenyourmind.comwww.coachjahseen.cominstagram@coachjahseen

.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Renaye Thornborrow, Adventures in WisdomTM. All rights reserved. 

How to talk with your kids about grades

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 School is in session and that means…GRADES!

Whether your children tend to earn A’s, B’s, C’s, or F’s, children often define “who they are” based on the grades they receive.

“I’m an A-student”

“I’m not very smart”

“I’m an average student”

It’s unfortunate when children identify themselves based on grades, as it can have a detrimental impact on their self-esteem, even for those with a consistent “A” average. This is because receiving an “A” grade may make them feel great about themselves, while receiving a “C” grade may cause them to feel down on themselves. This cycle can create yo-yo self-esteem, as we’ve noted in earlier articles.
The question then arises, how can we talk to our children about grades without having an adverse effect on their self-esteem? The answer lies in viewing grades as feedback.

Feedback is the result of an action taken, and it is simply a measure of how well a student has learned the material. Grades do not determine whether a student is “smart” or “dumb,” “good” or “bad.” They simply indicate whether the student has learned what they needed to know or not.By interpreting grades as feedback instead of as a reflection of who they are as individuals, children can deal with both good and bad grades without impacting their self-esteem.

So how can we put this into practice? Suppose your child brings home an “A” grade. Instead of saying something like, “You’re so smart. You’re an ‘A-student’!”, you could say, “Wow, you made some great grades. It looks like you really learned the material.” By doing this, you are providing objective feedback on the child’s work rather than labeling the child.

What if your child brings home a “C” grade? This is an opportunity to say something like, “It looks like you didn’t learn the material you needed to know for this test. Let’s work together to create a plan to ensure that you learn what you need to know to move forward. Otherwise, you may fall behind, and future tests will be even more challenging.” By approaching the low grade as a problem to be solved, you are enabling the child to focus on improving their grade rather than feeling bad about themselves for earning a poor grade.

This approach is also useful for homework. Work with your child to decide what grade represents a solid understanding of the material. Is it 80%, 85%, 90%, or 95%? Once you agree on a threshold, let your child know that any paper that receives a grade below that will need to be reworked to ensure that they understand the material well enough to proceed in class. When you take this approach, redoing the work isn’t seen as punishment; it’s viewed as striving for learning and excellence.

In conclusion, the most important takeaway is to teach children to view grades as feedback on their effort instead of as a label. This approach enables them to separate their self-esteem from their grades and focus on learning and improving their understanding of the material.

Have a great school year!

If you’re ready to help your child bust out of his shyness, click here for a complimentary consultation and we’ll map out a plan to help him create confidence and courage.

Jahseen Foster  is a certified WISDOM Coach and expert in helping kids discover who I am a certified WISDOM Coach and who can  help your child develop powerful mindset skills using:

  • Coaching stories
  • Engaging questions
  • Activities/Art projects
    visit us at: www.tenyourmind.comwww.coachjahseen.cominstagram@coachjahseen

.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Renaye Thornborrow, Adventures in WisdomTM. All rights reserved. 

What type of grownup do you want your child to become?

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I was asked this question several years ago and it was a very powerful question for me so I wanted to share it with you. 
 
Like you, I was already an engaged and connected parent; however, taking a few minutes to actually write down my vision for my kids enabled me to see areas where I was spending a lot of time and areas where I wanted to focus more. 
 
Although we can’t guarantee how our kids will “turn out”, every interaction we have with them do
es shape their lives – espe
cially when they are young and their core thoughts and belief systems are being formed. 
 
I would like to invite you to spend about 10 minutes today thinking about this question and creating a vision for your parenting if you don’t already have one.   
 
As part of the exercise, you may want to use the “Balance Wheel”.  The Balance Wheel is a coaching tool that is used to assess various areas of your life for balance – emotional, social/community, spiritual, occupational/school/financial, mental, physical, family, and recreational.
 
Depending on your children’s ages you may even want to share your vision with them —  sharing your vision can help them understand why you make the decisions you make (such as why you don’t buy them a toy every time you take them to the grocery store, why they have household responsibilities, or why you don’t serve cookies for dinner).  
 
Have fun with this exercise.  
 
P.S.  Invite your spouse to go through the exercise as well.  You may be surprised!

If you’re ready to help your child bust out of his shyness, click here for a complimentary consultation and we’ll map out a plan to help him create confidence and courage.

Jahseen Foster  is a certified WISDOM Coach and expert in helping kids discover who I am a certified WISDOM Coach and who can  help your child develop powerful mindset skills using:

  • Coaching stories
  • Engaging questions
  • Activities/Art projects
    visit us at: www.tenyourmind.comwww.coachjahseen.cominstagram@coachjahseen

.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Renaye Thornborrow, Adventures in WisdomTM. All rights reserved. 

Does Your Child Have Yo-Yo Self-Esteem? Part 2

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In the last article we asked the question, does your child have yo-yo self-esteem? Recall that Yo-yo self-esteem occurs when children’s self-esteem rises and falls with the ups and downs of their lives (i.e. how they did in school, played in their soccer game, etc.).

We talked about how important it is for children to base their self-esteem on who they are and not on what is happening outside of them so that their self-esteem remains intact no matter what is going on in their lives.

Today we’ll learn three additional tips for supporting your kids in developing solid self-esteem that doesn’t rise and fall with the ups and downs of life:

  • The fourth tip is to encourage your kids to identify and honour their own uniqueness. We are all unique in our own special way. Have your kids brainstorm what they love about themselves – from their values to their character, to their gifts and talents. Have them make an “I love me!” poster which illustrates what they love about themselves. When kids focus on what they love about themselves, their self-esteem will soar.
  • Fifth, talk with them about the power of positive self-talk. What they say to themselves is more important than what anyone else says to them. When kids learn to talk to themselves with love, compassion, and support, their self-esteem will soar.
  • Finally, teach your children how to handle the “downs” in life. Teach them how to manage mistakes and failure so that they don’t define themselves by these events. Teach them how to manage fear so that fear doesn’t keep them from their dreams. Teach them how to manage change so they feel powerful in their lives and see themselves as capable and worthy.

Learning to handle the “downs” in life as events, not only enhances self-esteem, but also leads to powerful self-confidence as kids learn that they can handle anything that comes their way.

As we mentioned in the last article no matter how much we love our kids or how much time we spend with them, we can’t give them self-esteem, but what we can do is help them develop it in themselves. Start this week by sharing the six tips from these two articles.

If you’re ready to help your child bust out of his shyness, click here for a complimentary consultation and we’ll map out a plan to help him create confidence and courage.

Jahseen Foster  is a certified WISDOM Coach and expert in helping kids discover who I am a certified WISDOM Coach and who can  help your child develop powerful mindset skills using:

  • Coaching stories
  • Engaging questions
  • Activities/Art projects
    visit us at: www.tenyourmind.comwww.coachjahseen.cominstagram@coachjahseen

.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Renaye Thornborrow, Adventures in WisdomTM. All rights reserved. 

Our Overcoming People Pleasing Habits

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I was the people-pleaser for most of my life until I got sick of being in a cycle of burning out. I constantly gave too much of myself away, leaving little left to keep me going. I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life living in a way that was so damaging to my sense of worth and identity.

I finally, started a process of addressing this, when I hired a life coach who managed to take me on a magnificent mindfulness journey. I was able to find my authentic self and started enjoying my life free of people-pleasing habits,

Fast forwarding to now, I decided to train to become a life coach to ensure I was able to assist my clients at deeper level. I have interwoven my educational insight and experience as an educator/children-certified WISDOM life coach, along with my training and personal learning, to create this simple yet effective course to help you overcome your people pleasing habits.

I haven’t designed this course to stop you from being
nice, not at all!! Nor will you suddenly transform into an overwhelming, loudmouth having discovered your newfound confidence. It’s designed to address people-pleasing and increase sense of self and identity. It’s designed to strengthen your voice and encourage you to recognise that it has value, as do you.

This course is available in audio format as well as E-book format I hope you enjoy this course,

Let’s get started.

If you’re ready to help your child bust out of his shyness, click here for a complimentary consultation and we’ll map out a plan to help him create confidence and courage.

Jahseen Foster  is a certified WISDOM Coach and expert in helping kids discover who I am a certified WISDOM Coach and who can  help your child develop powerful mindset skills using:

  • Coaching stories
  • Engaging questions
  • Activities/Art projects
    visit us at: www.tenyourmind.comwww.coachjahseen.cominstagram@coachjahseen

.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Renaye Thornborrow, Adventures in WisdomTM. All rights reserved. 

Does Your Child Have Yo-Yo Self-Esteem?

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Yo-Yo Self-Esteem?

Does your child’s self-esteem rise and fall with the grades she makes?

Does your child’s self-esteem rise and fall depending on who played with him at school that day?

Does your child’s self-esteem crumble if he makes a mistake?

If so, then your child is suffering from yo-yo self-esteem — self-esteem that rises and falls with the ups and downs of life. Ultimately, how children feel about themselves often depends on what is going on in their life – what is going on outside of them.

However, powerful self-esteem isn’t based on what is going on outside of you (what is happening in your life). Powerful self-esteem is based on what is going on inside of you — who you are and how you think about yourself.

When children base their self-esteem on “who they are” then their self-esteem can remain intact no matter what is going on in their lives.

So if your child have yo-yo self-esteem, how do you help them shift from external focus to internal focus?

Here are the first three of six tips for helping your kids develop solid self-esteem that doesn’t rise and fall with the ups and downs of life:

  1. First talk with them about what self-esteem is. Teach them that self-esteem is based on who they are, not what they do.
  2. Second, teach them how to separate the results of an event from who they are. For example, if they fail a test, that is just an event – something that happened. Just because they failed a test, doesn’t mean they are a failure. It just means they didn’t learn the material well enough to get the right answers on the majority of the questions – that’s it. Let your kids know that it’s OK to feel down; however, there is a difference between feeling down about a bad grade and feeling down on yourself because of a bad grade. Help your children understand this distinction and their self-esteem will flourish.
  3. Third, teach them about the dangers of comparison. When kids compare themselves to others – seeing themselves as “better than” or “less than” another, they are looking externally to determine how to feel about themselves. This sets them up for yo-yo self-esteem because they will feel good about themselves whenever they see themselves as “better than” another and they will feel bad about themselves every time they see themselves as “less than” another. This not only devastates self-esteem, but also creates jealousy, resentment, and a belief system of “not good enough”.

Unfortunately, self-esteem isn’t something you can give your kids; however, it is something you can teach them to develop in themselves. Start today by sharing these first three tips with them. In the next article we will cover the last three tips. a

If you’re ready to help your child bust out of his shyness, click here for a complimentary consultation and we’ll map out a plan to help him create confidence and courage.

Jahseen Foster  is a certified WISDOM Coach and expert in helping kids discover who I am a certified WISDOM Coach and who can  help your child develop powerful mindset skills using:

  • Coaching stories
  • Engaging questions
  • Activities/Art projects
    visit us at: www.tenyourmind.comwww.coachjahseen.cominstagram@coachjahseen

.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Renaye Thornborrow, Adventures in WisdomTM. All rights reserved.